When It’s Just Lunch was founded in 1991, the dating landscape looked completely different. No smartphones. No social media. No dating apps promising instant connection at the swipe of a finger.

What hasn’t changed? The fundamental human desire for meaningful connection—and the fact that most people have no idea what they actually need in a partner.

After 35 years and thousands of successful matches, our team of experienced matchmakers has learned lessons that go far deeper than simply introducing two people over lunch. We’ve witnessed patterns. We’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. And we’ve developed an understanding of connection and compatibility that no algorithm can replicate.

We sat down with Julie Yarworth, VP of Matchmaking, and two of our most successful executive matchmakers, Amy M and Hazel P, to discuss what three and a half decades of facilitating lasting relationships has taught us.

1. Chemistry Isn’t Always Instant—And That’s Okay

One of the biggest myths about love is that you’ll know immediately. That there’s a spark you can’t deny. That real chemistry is lightning-strike obvious.

Our data tells a different story.

"I’d estimate that only about 20% of our successful matches had immediate chemistry," says Amy M, an executive matchmaker at It’s Just Lunch. "But about 70% of those couples who felt uncertain after the first date became long-term relationships."

This is crucial because most dating app culture is built on the opposite premise: instant attraction or move on. Swipe right or swipe left. There’s no room for the slow burn—the person who grows on you over a second or third date.

"We tell our clients: give it two or three dates before deciding," Julie Yarworth explains. "The people who follow that advice are significantly more likely to find a lasting relationship. The ones who dismiss someone after one date often miss the person who could have been perfect for them."

Hazel P, another successful executive matchmaker at IJL, adds: "I had a client once who said, ’I wasn’t sure about him at first, but there was something about how he listened.’ That couple has been together for four years now. An algorithm would have rejected him after five minutes."

What This Means For You: Don’t dismiss someone based on first-date jitters. Sometimes the best relationships require patience.

2. Your "Type" Is Probably Wrong

Ask any dating app user what their type is, and you’ll get a checklist: tall, ambitious, funny, outdoorsy, makes six figures. Maybe they’ve been burned before and they know exactly what they don’t want.

But here’s what we’ve learned: the people who get the most specific about their "type" are often the ones who take the longest to find someone.

"People think they know what they want because they know what they think they want," Julie explains. "But what someone says is their ideal partner and who they actually fall in love with are often completely different people."

The reason? When we rely too heavily on surface-level criteria, we miss the deeper qualities that actually make relationships work: emotional intelligence, kindness, the ability to listen, shared values about what matters in life.

"The best matches I make are when someone says, ’I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for, but I know how I want to feel,’" Hazel P reflects. "When you lead with feeling instead of checking boxes, you’re open to so much more possibility."

What This Means For You: Be specific about what you value, but flexible about who delivers it. Your perfect match might not look like your checklist.

3. Timing Is Everything—And You Either Have It or You Don’t

We’ve seen the same introduction fail miserably at one moment in someone’s life, then work perfectly six months later.

Someone just out of a divorce isn’t ready. Someone still processing a career transition is distracted. Someone who hasn’t yet learned to be alone usually isn’t ready for a healthy partnership.

"I had a client who came to me right after a breakup," Amy M recalls. "We tried a few introductions, but his heart wasn’t in it. He kept talking about his ex. A year later, he came back. Same network of potential matches. Completely different results. He was finally ready."

This is where professional matchmaking has an enormous advantage over dating apps. We’re not just matching availability—we’re matching readiness.

"One of the most important conversations I have with new clients is asking whether they’re truly ready," Julie says. "Some people need more time. And I’ll tell them that. It’s better to wait six months until you’re emotionally available than to waste both your time and someone else’s time."

What This Means For You: Make sure you’re actually ready before you start dating. Your readiness matters more than your availability.

4. Vulnerability Is Your Superpower

In a culture obsessed with curating perfect versions of ourselves online, vulnerability seems like a liability. But we’ve learned the opposite is true.

The clients who are most honest about their fears, their failures, their past relationships, and their insecurities are the ones who get matched fastest and best.

Julie has observed this pattern across thousands of clients: "The people who pretend they have it all figured out are usually the ones struggling most. The ones who say, ’I work seventy-hour weeks and I’m lonely’ or ’I’ve had three divorces and I’m finally ready to do the work’—those people are the ones ready for real partnership."

Amy M emphasizes: "Vulnerability creates connection. When someone on a date is willing to be honest about their fears, it opens a door. The other person feels safe to be honest too. That’s where real chemistry happens."

What This Means For You: Your imperfections are not your weaknesses. They’re what make you human and relatable. Own them.

5. Compatibility Isn’t About Similarity—It’s About Complementarity

One assumption many people make is that they need to be with someone very similar to them. Same background, same income level, same hobbies, same life philosophy.

But our most successful matches often surprised us.

"We have this idea that opposites attract briefly and then it falls apart," Julie says. "But what we’ve found is that the most successful long-term relationships are between people who are similar in values but different in temperament."

Hazel P adds: "The couples I see thriving are the ones where each person fills in gaps for the other. They make each other better. That’s not about being the same person. That’s about being the right complement."

What This Means For You: Look for someone who shares your core values but might challenge you in healthy ways. Differences aren’t dealbreakers—they’re opportunities for growth.

6. The Best Relationships Begin With Intentionality

Here’s what we’ve noticed: people who approach dating with intention—who are clear about what they want and willing to do the work to find it—find partners faster and build stronger relationships.

Matchmaking is about intention. One thoughtful introduction at a time. Each match carefully considered. Both people pre-screened to ensure compatibility.

"When someone commits to professional matchmaking, they’re making a statement," Julie reflects. "They’re saying, ’I’m serious about finding a partner. I’m willing to be selective. I’m willing to invest in quality over quantity.’ That mindset changes everything."

What This Means For You: Approach dating with purpose. Be clear about what you want. Be willing to invest time in quality introductions. Intentionality attracts intentional people.

7. Success Isn’t Just About Marriages—It’s About Growth

When we talk about "successful matches," we don’t just mean people who walk down the aisle together. We mean people who grow through the dating process.

"Some of our most meaningful matches were between people who dated for a while, didn’t end up together permanently, but both walked away better for having known each other," Julie shares.

Amy M adds: "Dating is supposed to be a journey of self-discovery."

What This Means For You: Use dating as an opportunity to learn about yourself.

8. Passion Matters, But It Can’t Be the Only Thing

"Chemistry without compatibility is heartbreak," Julie says plainly.

What This Means For You: Don’t settle for passion alone. The best relationships have both attraction and alignment.

9. Self-Awareness Is the Greatest Predictor of Success

People who understand themselves are the people who succeed most consistently.

What This Means For You: Do the internal work. Self-awareness is foundational.

10. Real Chemistry Looks Different Than You Think It Will

"Real love is boring in the best way," Hazel P says.

What This Means For You: Look for consistency, not fireworks.

After 35 years of professional matchmaking, the most important lesson is this: lasting relationships are possible for anyone willing to do the work.

Ready to start your dating journey?

It’s Just Lunch has spent 35 years perfecting the art of meaningful introductions.

Your person is out there. And sometimes, all they need is the right introduction.